“Just think, the next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.” Lt. Frank Drebin
These days, our conversations and heads seem to bloat with images, fears, theories, and anxieties of – and loathing, laughter, and rage at – that obscure object of hatred that calls itself the police. Their omnipresence is nothing new, but there’s no doubt that the past year has turned a spotlight on them, however diffuse or prismed, however spun and dodged. Yet the more that media circuits are awash with them and that we’re saturated by them, the more we feel proud to watch people kick back and and feel sick when CCTV footage shows them kicking in the door and charging up the stairs,‡ the more we have to suffer through inanities about how it is “alienating” to see open and practically enacted recognitions of the hate and fear most people feel when faced with the law in the flesh, the more first-hand experience more people have about how it is to square off, get hit, burst out of the kettle, or tend to the seriously hurt, the more the police are made to, or make themselves, look simultaneously silly and murderous, the more silliness we hear about “peaceful uprisings”: the more of all this, the clearer it becomes just how unclearly we see them.
I don’t doubt that many others have a more solid grasp than I do on this slippery force. But I also know from conversations with a lot of people who have thought extensively about this and from the general noise of the internet that a lot of us are realizing that the more the spotlight turns on the murky orcs in blue, the greater the glare that reflects off the aviators and riot shields, and the harder it becomes to draw a conceptual and practical bead on them.

As always, the best research into the police will be lived, especially through struggles in which people engage, the conversations they have and actions they take, and the internal discussions, splits, and and tensions that threaten to “ruin a movement.”‡ But the divide of practical and theoretical should never map simply onto things bodies do and things heads do, nor should it imagine that a consideration of philosophy, film, science, literature, psychology, et cetera is necessarily too far from praxis, that oft-mythical category that tends to just mean getting serious. It is the quality and aim of certain kinds of research‡ that damns them to water-treading irrelevance, born of those who cling to the life ring while claiming to be mutinous divers. Not the category of their concerns, not the fact that they may speak of concepts, paintings, pollen, and desire.

In my case, the question I want to ask after in this ACAKK series is that of the police as a comic object. More specifically, this entails a glance back through a century’s worth of cop comedy movies. (And there are reams of them: it is one of global cinema’s oldest recurring sub-genres, and even if you narrow the focus away from detective and private investigator films, even if you were to subtract most of buddy films – a special province of the cop comedy, as it lets the odd couple bromance logic feedback into the good cop/bad cop routine – or just those in which one of the buddies is not human, there is still a tremendous reserve of films in which the cops abuse and are abused in ways that might make us laugh.) The potential irrelevance of this inquiry remains to be determined. But, at the outset, it is by no means a joke or flighty response to a brutal history of incarceration, racial profiling, and murder. It’s a deadly serious way in. Yes, it is one which sports a frozen death’s head grin as a way to go on. It’s one that will dwell on a lot of instances of a cop getting booted in the ass by a tramp or sweatily running in jowl-bouncing terror from a neighborhood’s worth of rioters. But it is also one which also takes laughter seriously enough, as we always should, to find a lot of this scattered material genuinely, shatteringly, funny and to find that laughter as simultaneously a camouflage and a point of entrance into some of the aspects of the police which remain hardest to detect and grasp.
A couple dry notes are in order, on terminology and intent. Why comedic object? After all, even if the police is a general notion more than a local instance, it is nevertheless made up of “subjects” (individual cops) who, taken together, seem to make up a subject of sorts: an agency that acts with force upon the world and passes judgments on it, albeit flailingly and with no small degree of internal contradiction and incoherence. This, though, would miss the point. People who work as cops are subjects, yes, in an everyday, psychological, and philosophical sense. As people love to remind those of us who speak ill of “our nation’s officers,” some of them even have things like parents, spouses, children, pets, and hobbies. One could go further and venture that some are decent people when off-duty (or try to be while on-duty), with varying motivations for having become cops in the first place, with varying degrees of wealth and poverty, and with many of the same worries, desires, and hopes as those who have different jobs or none at all. No doubt. Moreover, we know that the hallmark of a revolutionary situation, when it becomes something fierce and beautiful, is not when people take a side against the cops. That happens. No, it’s the rare moment when the cops switch sides, or dissolve the notion of sides itself, by refusing to arrest, restrain, and fire on others. Yet the particularity of that moment isn’t that they become “good cops”: it’s that they break with the order and values which they defend. When they stop being cops.
For specificity of cop is that, during time on the job, time in uniform and beyond‡ , the cop is a negated subject.

On two counts. First, he‡ is the expression of the law, merely part of its “long arm,” its corporeal extension. They are the meaty tendons between those declared criminal, the abstract order that declares them as such, and the cars, bullets, batons, handcuffs, jail cells, and electric chairs that make sure such a declaration will not go misheard. In other words, a cop is like Pinocchio: even when the strings come off and the wood fleshens up, gets the blood going, the origins can’t be forgotten.
Second, a cop is specified as “untouchable” by the same order of law which he enforces: there is are declared rules of engagement with different conditions for those involved (for example, you and an officer on the same street). One need not be a Hegelian of any stripe to recognize that the impossibility of exchange between nominal equals, of any struggle on terms that apply mutually to both parties (i.e. if you try to hurt me, it makes sense that I will act in such a way to prevent you from doing so), means that the two cannot both be understood as subjects in the same register.

Therefore, two possibilities. Either the police are the only subjects that exist in society, and we are not, just obstinate bundles of affect and labor-power that we are. Or we are the only subjects, cursed and doomed to unravel as such a position may be, and they are something else, a peculiar breed of vicious object coordinated by a logic that exceeds it and constantly encroaching upon the society it purports to toolishly defend.
Such is the hostility of the police: as corporal extension of the law as such and as non-subjects, they belong to a fundamentally different order with which there can be no dialogue. There can be none because the rules of the game insert a bar – called, among other things, “assault an officer,” “resisting arrest,” “the culprit had a gun drawn, or at least it looked like a gun, even if it was a candy bar” – between any potential commensurability. You can’t talk to someone who will be legally defended for striking you in the face while you will be jailed for returning the blow. That’s a gulf that approaches the ontological.‡

The common – and none the less correct for it – understanding of the police as apparatus holds, and, in future texts in this series, I’ll qualify that by a clarification of terms and how it relates to my interest in technique. My emphasis here, though, will be largely on the police as comedic object: as something with weight, density, blood, velocity, and shame, that shows itself capable of being hit, pied, splashed, soaked, shot, socked, jailed in its own cell, encouraged to bring about its out downfall (i.e. the process of a subject getting itself objectified, the work of cunning), tripped, escaped from, pissed on, and, above all, laughed at. A thing that blunders, that gets subordinated to the joke, and in that moment of disappearance, comes to light otherwise.
[The other word in my designation - comic - will unfold across all the actual posts in the series. Because if the role as object remains relatively constant, the mode in which it is or is not funny, and the degree to which this bears on its position as comic, can only be talked about through specific instances. The way in which cops look foolish in Police Academy is not identical to the way they look foolish in Bon Cop, Bad Cop, nor is their role in On the Beat at all equivalent to that in Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son. (In part because while On the Beat is brutally, viciously funny, Big Mommas should be cast back to the infernal bolgia/Regency Enterprises studio from which it crawled.)]
More generally, there are two elements to draw out. These are not specific to cop comedies – I will barely resist the urge to call them copmedies, other than to let that horrible portmanteau hang in the air – but they form the main lines of investigation that the comedies circle around, seize on, worry away at, and let rip. For these are the central ideological qualities of copness, especially in the American context, ones that are materially reinforced again and again, such that their justness or truth becomes utterly irrelevant. They may be false or incoherent, we may wish it otherwise, but they are backed up with force, with law, with habit, and hence they present and represent themselves as if necessarily and naturally the case.
1. It is not OK to defend oneself against the police: with them, there is only self-offense, and it shall not be allowed.
2. The police are not hostile: they merely react to, manage, and reflect the antagonism of the social order at large and of particular bad actions and people.

1. It is not OK to defend oneself against the police: with them, there is only self-offense, and it shall not be allowed.
This is entirely unique to the police: to take a rather Socratic example, if I am slapped or insulted by a pastry chef, during his working day, my return slap or insult is indifferent to his work as a pastry chef, unless I am specifically insulting him about the shittiness of his mille-feuilles. Moreover, I have “the right,” both legally and in terms of a basic social understanding, to retaliate or, at the least, defend myself or flee if I don’t want to fight back at that moment. If, however, I am slapped or insulted (or beat or shot or handcuffed) by a cop, during his working day, my retaliation will necessarily be construed as particular to his job and role as a cop, whether or not I shout fucking pigs!. More importantly, I have no right, either legally or in terms of a mass understanding, to do anything – including “non-violently flee” – other than take the abuse and allow myself to be arrested. And, lest we forget, the cop is nominally an employee of those he arrests, sprays, tickets, and jails: they are paid by the taxes of the citizens who are forbidden from refusing to pay or to remain calm.
No other figure whatsoever in contemporary society has this status. Even the army is different: the specificity of the army is the assumption of retaliation, the expectation – however old fashioned the no-longer-so-new nomos of uneven warfare and non-declared “interventions” may be – that the enemy is a combatant. The first aspect, that of violence against a solider as necessarily construed as political and military, holds for this case: if someone attacks a soldier, particularly when the soldier is part of an occupying force, it is an act of military aggression. But the second condition – having no right to do so - does not hold, as barring the tenuous waters of “rules of war” and international tribunals, the state of war means nothing more than entering a state of affairs in which one is expected to fight back.
As such, the police are an active object against which all action is forbidden and against which all action will be taken as purposeful. And the history of police film – and almost all film not explicitly about the police but in which they figure, in however a minor role – shows the near total domination of this principle. Few taboos remain in cinema, but the depiction of someone harming a cop without getting punished later or without the qualification that the cop was a “bad cop” (i.e. acted in such a way to no longer count as cop, such as being a “maniac cop” or a fascistic motorcycle riding murderer) is one of the few that persists. It is as uncommon as the depiction of the sexual assault of a minor. One is more likely to see a full-frontal male nudity, blackface, flaying alive, and rape jokes (far, far more likely) than one is to see a character get away with slaying an officer without a condemnation internal to the film. Escaping from them, sure. Getting away in a chase such that the police are responsible for their own cars crashing in the chase, yes. Killing them but subsequently being killed by them or an accident or by a citizen who decides to side with the law, absolutely. But causing harm or simply getting away from them: no.
(Interestingly, the same doesn’t hold true whatsoever for private property, which is often laid to waste precisely in the midst of these cop films, especially by cops themselves, as they hijack vehicles, blow them up, blow up buildings, drive through shopping malls, and on and on.)

Therein lies the rarity of the cop comedy. To be sure, most of them reinforce the peculiar logic of the police all the more, and the ones that don’t tend to nevertheless pull their punches and rely on a concatenation of quieter slaps, trips, and collisions. Yet it is in that distinct admixture of rarity, restraint, and occasional explosion that we might, at the least, better map the long history of how hard it has been to shake off this curse of law and order.
2. The police are not hostile: they merely react to, manage, and reflect the antagonism of the social order at large and of particular bad actions and people.
This will reveal itself better through an extended set of examples to come, but as a prelude…
The reflection and distortion of this in comedy emerges not merely through the more common routines of a cop who is fired upon first, who has to smack a perp down because they would not go quietly, or who loses it for a bit but only because the world at large is so hostile and chaotic and they killed his partner, but they messed with the wrong cop… It also shows itself in a very specific tendency toward the routing of violence through the built environment or the landscape itself, such that the innate hostility of the world and its commodities are the objects technically to blame. Such that guns and knives may be used but primarily as catalysts and sparks to set off the chain of the antagonstic powderkeg called the material existence. Such is the deep linkage between slapstick and the police, not merely because the earliest iterations of cop comedies – the Keystone Kops films, followed by those of Buster Keaton – were slapstick. Therein the tendency across the cop comedy genre – and into cop dramas and action flicks – to allow suspects to:
fall off a building edge (despite the cop’s best efforts to hold on)
slip off a building edge while trying to punch the cop (or, at most, because the cop landed a good punch)
land on their own knife because they were trying to stab a cop (who did not have a knife, because knife users are traditionally coded as punks in film)
get trapped under a supporting beam (which was shot by a cop, but the bullet touched no body)
get caught in a turbine which they backed into while holding a gun at a cop (who was unarmed)
crash the boat, the car, the helicopter, the plane, the motorcycle
be consumed in flames not lit by the cop but by the anxious combustability of the modern metropolis (for there is much that can burn)
This is linked to, but goes way beyond, the tendency to keep violence at the loosely PG/PG-13 level familiar to nominally bloodless children’s action series or cartoons. (i.e. smacking someone with a gun instead of pulling the trigger, smacking someone with the hilt of a katana instead of the blade)
Notice how despite five sharp objects here – two sai, three katanas, not to mention broken glass – no one gets cut. No weapons land a blow. Even the teaser of the falling sword at the end misses, just quivering in the ground. The innate danger of skylights, gravity, and a large man have done the work.
More relevantly, consider this:
And such indirect firing is not for reasons of gore-shyness. This is in a film in which a woman is stabbed with gardening shears, a chunk of cathedral impales a man, a couple is beheaded, and a man is burned to death in a gas fire, all with lingering lusty gazes at the sticky crimson aftermath. Yes, a foot is shot by a cop, but the man is a doctor, and they even remind him of this fact when he howls in pain. Yes, a cop is shot, but – surprise! – he survives. When the police mete out violence, it is routed through the landscape, through chandeliers, barrels, shopping carts, and through the clumsiness of an antagonist who will find a miniature of a cathedral speared through his jaw, not because a cop put it there but because he tripped.
It doesn’t kill him, of course: the villains will all survive, so that they can be sent to jail. Because, you know, cops don’t kill people. Bad people – subjects – and the armature of landscapes do.

Because, to inflect the principle gestured to above, the police are indirect hostile objects. Except when one goes rogue and “takes the law into his own hands”‡ , their imagined status is that of a neutral substance that cannot help but respond, even if occasionally a bit too “heated,” to the stains and stones of mean and nasty world out there.
And there’s no doubt that it is. Given that, the “fictional” status of an encounter in which a skinny tramp punches a cop and gets away with it may prove it cold comfort, even if it warms the hell out of the heart for a moment. But given the total hegemony of defense for the untouchable, indirect hostility of the boys in blue, such moments – fleeting, goofy, fantastic as they may be – are also necessary.
No, they aren’t “enough” and never will be. But they are, like the decision to slam your foot on the gas pedal when the flashers appear in in your rear-view mirror, a point of departure.